NU THANG 4

New Relationships.

Bruce Chant

generation-j - Pulse

30/08/2002

2 Corinthians 5:17 ^“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”

We are changed creation because of the Love God has for us – the old is gone and in its place is a new spirit, a new life, a new start and a new way to live. This Is Good!

Intro.

We live in a world where Sex sells and it pricks people’s ears up wherever it is talked about. The fact is it is intriguing. It is mysterious. It’s even a bit naughty and people want to have a little giggle about it.

But we should be informed from a biblical perspective if we are to shine a light as new creations in a darkened world.

Gender.

Genesis 1:26-27 “Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

God created us male and female with distinctive gender differences that are much more than mere cultural conditioning.

God created men and women in His Trinitarian image and likeness, which means that men and women though created for different tasks are equal as the Father, Son, and Spirit are equal though distinct in their functions. The women, the man’s helper, is not derogatory. The Holy Spirit is likewise referred to as “the helper”. Does that make Him the lesser part of the trinity? No.

God made men and women different. That is a good thing – not a thing to be overcome.

Be careful believing deceptions regarding gender:

· “There is no such thing as gender difference, but rather mere cultural conditioning.”

This gives rise to homosexuality as there is no such thing as gender.

It diminishes the basic differences that we see in men and women and that we should celebrate.

It should be easy to see the basic difference between males and females.

· “To be equal men and women must be the same.”

Men and Women have different roles in life.

Men don’t want to be like women – but women envy the position of men and seek to be like them. That diminishes the value that women bring in their distinctiveness.

· “Traditional roles are Biblical roles.”

Old, square and rigid is not necessarily biblical. To be biblical is to be radical – we are not like it naturally – that is why we have been given the bible in the first place; because we need it!!

Sex.

Genesis 2:24
”For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

Sex was designed by God for the covenant of marriage, involvement in sexual relationships outside of marriage is a violation of God intended created purpose.

· Be Equally Yoked.

2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”

If they don’t totally love Jesus – write them off. They can’t love you even if they say they do. Why? Because they don’t have the love of God in them as you do. That’s unequal. You want to go on for God. They want to go and get drunk at a party = Unequal.

It will also lead to pressure for you to be involved sexually also.

Avoid the guilt, pain and hardship. Never make an exception in this case.

· Who’s body is it?

We are told that our body belongs to us. We can have sex with whoever. Do whatever, whenever. If a girl wants an abortion it’s her body.

But that is not true.

Romans 12:1 “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship.”

1 Corinthians 6:20 “You were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your body.”

Guys if you see another guy come in here and put his hand on one of these girls – it’s perfectly ok to remove them yourself. Protect your sisters. I learnt that trusting strange guys is a dumb practice – I’ve learnt my lesson. I’ve also forcefully reminded guys I am watching wear they are putting their hands.

One of the reasons for the high amount of sexual assault in our society is the fact that abusers see no value or responsibility to the woman’s body.

· Sex is more than a biological function.

Who’s ever read a sex advice column? We are told that sex is a biological function – natural and free of any morality. But that is not true.

Christians who follow God’s pre-determined plan for sex know true erotic love.

Erotic - not in the sense that it is as a synonym for “pornographic.”

Erotic: a physical-emotional passion. Eros “is the love that seeks unity with the beloved,” which desires to “merge souls” with the object of love. There is no understanding of love and sexuality in the world we live.

God created sex as a way for men and women (husband & wife) to be “one flesh” – in unity. It is the highest form of intimacy – but if it is practiced outside of the realms of how it is intended then there are side-effects. STDs and AIDS, emotional attachment & heartbreak, huge amounts of guilt.

That is why we see sex talked about in mechanical terms –do it yourself advice – as a way to counter the problems of sex done outside the intended limitation. Also we see pseudo moral advice (how?) –because sex can’t exist outside of the terms God created for it.

· Sexual immorality is not just another sin.

1 Corinthians 6:18 “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.”

Sex binds people together and that is not easily undone except by God’s healing grace.

We are told that we are free agents and we cannot be harmed through relationship – the experience can only add to our life. But that is dangerous thinking because it is outside the plan God has for us.

God’s rules are not there to limit us. But rather, like playing sport without a ref., they bring increased satisfaction because the “game” is played as it was intended.

· “As a Man Thinks in his heart…” Proverbs 23:7

Remember last week’s lesson. If you are thinking about – you will become it.

Either a noble young man or honourable young women –or a sick pervert or a cheap hussy. Get’s down to your thinking.

Instructions to Men:

· Don’t treat girls who aren’t your wife as if they are.

Remember – two sorts of women here: your sisters in Christ and your wife (and you can only marry one!).

Sexual functions are for sexual activity. Sexual activity is for marriage.

This is the simple rule to follow when talking about girlfriends.

The ‘everyone does it’ line will not work. I think if we all had a complete understanding of truth – we’d be surprised by who’s telling the truth about what they’ve done and with whom.

If you want to be a man – treat girls with respect and stop dreaming about getting onto first base. It will lead to a steal of second etc and you are in trouble.

· Two types of girls (from a prospective guy’s mind).

A) Those you want to sleep with (lust over) B) Those you want to be married to (love). Avoid girlfriends who fall into category A. I don’t buy those sort of girlfriends they are hormone driven choices.

If they don’t love Jesus absolutely – do not even give them the time of day.

· Women want a Godly man first and foremost

People say that what we need is for women to be tougher. We could teach the women to take a better punch or we could just tell the men to stop hitting the women.

Women want a man who will fulfil the role assigned to men at creation: Husband, Father, Pastor, Leader. To do this the man must be the man in the relationship and be the strong one – spiritually. The church is full of great women who are godly and diligent but not enough strong men.

· Always Be Honourable.

If guys are honest they want respect (over even love). “Wives respect your husbands”. To get that you need to give it. Women want real men who are strong, decisive and honourable (not weak, scared and soft). They want to know if trouble comes you can hold them tightly and tell them it’ll be ok. Not start bawling and turning on the aromatherapy candles.

If anyone is going to get hurt – let it be you not her. Chase her. Show her that you want her bad enough to get her and if you do that it shows you’ll do what it takes to keep her. E.g. David and Saul’s daughter and the dowrie of 100 foreskins. She knew he was for real!

This involves: Be the pursuer. Make the first move. Approach her with your intentions. Wear the embarrassment.

Think now about the future. Eg money, provision etc.

Clean up your act. Language. Visual stimuli. Mates.

Instructions to Women.

· Be aware of the line.

To be pretty and attractive is great (it’s to your credit if you like nice) – but watch the line that crosses into flirtatious.

Know that you can cause the guys to stumble – what you wear, what you say, how you act – can drastically change a guys perception of you.

Eg if you dress cheaply – you will be approached as a cheap girl. Don’t be offended.

Remember – it’s all about the bait you’re using. If you are crossing that line you won’t attract the sort of person you want. You want someone to love you and care for you etc – but a guy looking at a cheap looking girl is not thinking marriage and kids. He’s thinking bedroom.

· Know where you are going.

You can’t be a growing healthy Christian and not be on the move.

So make sure you don’t stay still or else any broken toothed, dirty clothed, never shaved before boy who comes along and shows any interest will look too good to refuse.

Study and refine your skills at uni or tafe or in the workforce but also prepare to be a mother. There is no higher call. Work is not more important than home even though the society says so.

Do this and you’ll avoid the Ally McBeal/ Sex in the City syndrome where you dive into a career that doesn’t take you where you really want to go someday: a family of your own.

· It’s fine to say No.

There are many mixed messages in our society for Christian women. What’s wisdom and what’s folly. Don’t feel that you have to make the running. If you are naturally an outgoing person – fine. Talk to boys. Be friendly. But don’t feel you have to crack the whip – that is a bad start to a relationship!

Don’t fear the left on the shelf curse. If you are living any sort of active life, getting out and doing your thing – you will be snapped up. Trust God.

Look at the example of Ruth. She was honourable and was swept off her feet.

You don’t have to go chasing him otherwise we have a situation where you may end up with a weak, soft boy rather than a gallant, he-man!

· Proverbs 31 all the way!

This is your superhero – go and do likewise.

Pin point an older women who you respect. Get to know them. Seek them out for advise and guidance

Titus 2:3-5 “Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. ⁴Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, ⁵to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”

New Creations in a world of Sex and Gender Wars.

Men and Women should honour one another.

We are God’s image bearers and we should treat the other sex with respect because this is to honour God’s creation. Why? Because sex is the highest form of intimacy on earth it shows us how close God desires we become to Him.

We should pursue biblical genders roles in relation to relationships at all times.

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